Resolution Time

new years resolutions
It’s December 25th around midnight. Technically, I guess that means it’s December 26th. Whatever. I hate technicalities. I just tested myself for OCD by shoving aside a plethora of toys (Seriously? You guys have already lost all the pieces to this game?) and plopping down amid the silent ruckus that is now my living room. I think I pass the test as I’m able to happily ignore the fact that my floor is peppered with dangerous Lego pieces just waiting for me to carelessly walk across its sea of jagged, colorful plastic and tear the delicate flesh on the soles of my feet. Just kidding. I still have OCD. I just happen to also have laziness, tiredness, and other ‘nesses that needn’t be mentioned. All day today, I stuffed myself with cookies, egg nog, alcohol, and finger foods. No biggie, I kept telling myself, because I had planned to run tonight. Now, after standing myself up for my workout date, I’m suddenly reminded that it’s that icky time of year again where we force ourselves to feel guilty for all the fun we’ve had, and adopt some of those habits of the people we wish we were all the time.

My reminder of resolution time came in an adorably tall, yet impossibly thin, package. I’m guessing she was about 19.5 years old and obviously never eats cookies. Maybe she’s happy without cookies. It’s possible, I guess. Since someone gave me money for Christmas (I admit it. I’m pretty hard to shop for.), I was perusing some online stores looking for ways to spend it all in one place. That wouldn’t have been a problem if I hadn’t noticed all the crop tops that are still apparently the thing this winter. Earth to skinny people! It’s December! Although your tummy might still be as taut as a well-tuned drum, you’re not following the rules. We had a deal, I thought. You were going to put your flat and chiseled away for a few months so that everyone can enjoy Grandma’s Christmas cookies without crying! Why aren’t you upholding your end of the bargain?

To my dismay, it looks as if crop tops are here to stay through the Spring as well. Good grief. If I see any real people wearing a crop top, and looking hot, I apologize in advance for the stink eye. I’m a mom of 3. I’m a different species. I’m what you giggle to your girlfriends about, swearing you’ll never let your body do that. Sorry to ruin your life, but this is what happens to 95% of us. I’m not even overweight. However, after allowing a few babies to inhabit my womb for several months at a time, my once flat midriff is pretty well covered in a mask of stretch marks. Please correct me if I’m way off, but it really seems like there’s a ridiculously small percentage of women who can actually rock a crop top with confidence. Of course, God bless them, because they definitely have to contend with dirty looks from jealous birches like me while they do.


Wow, so that was a whole big wad of condescending and pessimism. I once heard this, and now I’m shamelessly stealing it; “You can get upset, or you can start training for next year.”  The subject was definitely nothing to do with crop tops, but why not transfer the adage to suit my current complaint?

I glanced at my online shopping cart, then opened a new tab to pull up Amazon. Ten minutes later, and I’m now the owner of some $25 worth of stretch mark cream and a dermaroller, which should arrive in the next day or two. It sounds like I’m “training” by buying a lotion and a potion, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, diet and exercise will do nothing for stretch marks. It can help me to tone up and sculpt, though, so I resolve to stick to a better diet and exercise regularly. I also plan to get my running speed up to par with my husband! Maybe I’ll even commit to a race. One little, tiny race. We’ll see.

I want to share my before pictures, but I’m not quite ready. Tell you what; I’ll share my before and after pictures if I have results that I’m happy with. Ooh, this is so bittersweet. There’s part of me that actually doesn’t want to succeed in ridding the marks, just so I never have to show you my before pictures. Tough!

Hoping that everyone has had a wonderful Christmas, a beautiful holiday season, and are now having a really tough time coming up with resolutions, since that’s a good sign you’re pretty awesome already.



The fine print: No, I don’t truly believe that you can test yourself for OCD the way that I described. No, I’m really not that bitter about not having a flat stomach, but I am *that* jealous of those of you that do. It’s okay, though. We can still be friends! And finally, no, I don’t really even have that much desire to ever wear a crop top. I just want to be able to know that I could if I ever wanted. 😉


    • 3

      chellerae says

      I hope I do have some good results, Sally! I was able to wear a two-piece after my first two pregnancies. I didn’t even gain too much weight with my daughter, but got more marks for some reason. It’s just not fair!


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